I wrote this entry on 29th July 2007. When I wrote it, from what I can recall, I was not aware of the significance of the date ... or rather the closeness of the day to another date. Mere coincidence perhaps but still ... things happen for a reason ... Anyway, I found it again as I 'spring clean' the files in my computer (I think I need to hire someone to do all this for me! :p) and have decided to publish it here just so I don't lose it. Here it is:

I do.

I believe there is only one such person for each person, a soul mate, and if you missed the opportunity to somehow meet, get acquainted, discover and eventually pair up with that person, then you will just have to wait till the life hereafter before you are once again matched with them, for good.

As we go about our daily lives, and lately there seems to be a million and one things to do in a day with the same 24-hour period, it is sometimes hard to "look" for that soul mate. Then again, some people would say, the time they'd appear is usually when you are not looking for them; in which case, being busy doesn't make a difference at all. Then of course there is the "issue" of whether or not this soul mate can recognise you or you them? And would you be able to appreciate each other enough to know that that is the person you are meant to be with; the person within whose embrace you have found "home"?

I often wonder what is it that attracts people to each other, especially when I see "unlikely" couples, who have been couples for long periods of time. It goes without saying, that looks aren't everything, so what is?

I used to joke about this, but the more I think about it, the more I am convinced it is true. (And those of you who are about to reassure me that opportunities still exist, thank you, I appreciate the thought. I am ok with this. I am not depressed or saddened by it. To me, it is just a matter of circumstance). The more time passes by, the more I believe that somewhere along the line, I missed the opportunity to meet my soul mate. I believe I either didn't go where I was supposed to go or do what I was supposed to do or see what I was supposed to see OR he didn't go where he was supposed to go etc ... (I think it is the him bit rather than the me bit. Yeah, might as well blame him :D) ... The reason that I used to joke about is that I bent down to tie my shoelaces or something, he turned at that time, saw me, took one look and ran in the opposite direction.

Anyway, before concerned friends flood my inbox with messages of concern, I'd better stop going on about that.

I actually wanted to write about this next bit. I have been hearing this song quite a bit, I don't really know why. Note: I said "hearing" as opposed to "listening", meaning I don't deliberately play it on my CD or MP3 player. You know how when a new song comes out, it gets played everywhere? Well it is something like that with this song, except, it isn't exactly new. It's called Dealova. The version I always hear is by Dewa/Once but I think Siti Nurhaliza did a version of it also. Not sure whose version is the original.

Out of curiosity I searched for the lyrics and actually, it is a rather sweet (awwwwwwww) love song. I will leave you to search for the lyrics yourself if you are really that interested (it's in Malay, by the way), because I don't intend to put it here. Out of the song though, I think I have the message I would like to "deliver" to my soul mate, who I would most likely only meet much later in life, if ever.

I started this blog for me. To write my thoughts ... but I am going to make an exception for this one little advert.

At a time when everyone is looking at the "Gaza situation" and international efforts are being sent to either boost military, financial or other tangible support ... while political minds are debating where to go from here, who to support and what to do (worrying perhaps how their decision will affect their own political agenda and not necessarily that of the affected parties) ... while the rest of the world raise placards, lobby outside consulates, embassies ... one person is thinking about the children's psychological well-being. 

Yes, medical aid is crucial for the physical health of the innocent, physical shelter is necessary to keep the wounded safe ... but psychological wellness is also essential; for the short term, strength of mind bolsters physical strength, and knowing people care makes a lot of difference to someone about to give up and for the long term, strength of mind helps a person let go and move, focusing on the good and not be crippled by a tormented past...

I am not saying that all the other initiatives rank lower than this... I just think that this form of support should not be overlooked. With that in mind, please take a look at the website (click on the logo above) to find out more about the programme. It is based in Malaysia but I am sure, contributions from all over will be welcomed.

While the other initiatives ask for you for money... this one asks for your kind words ... or rather the kind words of the children you may know... The benefits will be 2-fold. It will help the suffering children in Gaza and it will foster kinship and understanding amongst children in countries blessed with peace.

Please help to spread the word ...

• my mother and aunts when I was a kid
  
• my hairdressers (even for the ones that cut you all wrong, you'd look nice)
  
• my friends:

- Lin - when she braided you in that French/African/Scorpion pleat back in uni. (in France, the French pleat is called the African pleat, or so Christelle said...)

- Sofie - when she brought out her warpaints and we decided to do a make-over

• the daughter and sister of my late father's friend, who were up till then, total strangers ...
  
• and even to Mr Brylcream and Code 10...

But would you do the same for me? Nooooooo... *sigh*

Your will seems to always be opposite to my wants...
When I wanted you to lie flat on my head, you decided to expand giving me the misshapen afro look.
When I wanted you to appear full-bodied, you decided to lie limp and flat... so totally lifeless...
When I needed you out of my face, you're all over it. When I wanted a thinner-looking face with you framing it, you decided to stay wayyyyyyy back, however much I tried to pull you forward...
You even fall more than you grow...

The only time when you would look just right for me, is when I give up trying ...

So today dear hair, I am saying this ... do whatever you want to do, look whatever way you prefer ... just promise to totally cover my head for as long as I live...

Mood:  mischievious

Today's the day after my last night shift, before a few days of no work ... and I had scheduled a session of Thai massage downtown. I got in from work, showered, did the necessary things I needed to do ... and had a nap. I hit the snooze button once too often and was nearly late for my massage, and made later because I had to find an ATM first. Thankfully Dana is the understanding sort... it might have saved me some time if I had known that she accepts debit (a.k.a. NETS) payments ... but anyway ...

On my way to Dana's place, I saw a couple of houses with the "for rent" sign outside and I made a mental note to take the same route back to see what's up for viewing. I am often curious about the houses here. They look so petite from the outside but inside ... hmmm... it's amazing how much they hold... and I am not talking about the new buildings ... but the ones built in the 90s, 80s ..some as far back as the 60s ... Noooooo I am not looking to rent/buy a house right now... I suppose it's like "window-shopping" for when I do end up wanting to get a house...

After an ever-so-lovely session of being stretched and kneaded ... :p ... I got off the LRT and started walking home towards that street where the houses were. The viewing was uneventful, but certainly worth the drop-by.

I could have taken the bus home from there but decided to walk some more. The snow has (almost) all melted away and the temperature was jusssssssst right for a walk without having to bulk up. The sun was coming close to the horizon so the sky was a nice mix of colours; pink and pastel blue on one side, bright blue and gold with clumps of orange clouds on the other...(I know, I know ...clouds aren't ever orange ... but they looked orange because of the reflection of colours ;)).

So with my mp3 player on, I thought about the best way to walk home.

I had a choice of routes to take. The first couple of options would take me a longer way around, which I was not in favour of ... because it was going to get dark soon-ish (and though it is still safe, the dark kinda takes the fun out of walking)... and I would be walking by the mall and that was one temptation I knew I could not fight off. The other route was the shortest way home... but I was not so sure if I was allowed to use it ... :p heh heh heh

So guess which one I took?

Now, now ...before you go tsk, tsk'ing at what I did ... let me say ... I am the daughter of a millitary dad and teacher mum ... so I am always careful with my acts of rebellion ... all risks are calculated and weighed (fairly) carefully. :p (That's my story and I am sticking to it!)

A few months ago, there was a "pedestrian foot path closed" signage of sorts on this route. It was because of some road construction in line with the new LRT extension etc. I was not sure if this still applied so I took a chance. I figured if the path was still closed, I could just turn back and go the other way. As I got closer to where the previous closure was, I noticed that the signage was gone as was the barrier that was there. The newly paved path was wet and partially covered with mud but other than that, there was no obstructing hurdle to walk around. So although it didn't look like anyone walked there, there wasn't any indication that I am not allowed to walk through either.

The reason I am filled with impish glee however is that I managed to collect mud and dirt on the bottom of my shoes just walking through that almost complete construction area. There was a whole lot of the blackish-brown stuff, so much so that it was sticky and I found myself squishing as I walked... who cares right? better sticky soles than slippery ones ;)

I admit as I walked, I was more focused on looking around and half-expecting someone to stop me and tell me to go back the other way :p, So... I only looked down and saw the collection of "stuff" when I noticed how heavy my feet were and that I was sticking to the ground as I walked. I had not just mud stuck to me but leaves, small bits of gravel and everything else that my shoes picked up en route. Some of the mud of course ended up dirtying the bottom of my trousers...

I kept on walking of course with music literally in my ears, enjoying the view and continuing to pick up leaves as I walked all the way home, trying to stop myself from laughing because of the squishing sounds I made.

I was like the kid you see in advertisements for floor cleaners and laundry detergents, after playing in a wet muddy field. When I got to the apartment building I had to figure out a way not to dirty the lobby area with my footprints. And I also had to consider the carpeted hallway once I got to my level... annnnnd I didn't want to dirty my own apartment floor with the mud from my trousers... Fun as it had been to walk in the mud... I didn't think I'd like the clean-up I would have to do.

I solved the problem ... I took the shoes off at the entrance to the building and walked in with just socks on, dirty sneakers in hand ... and to prevent the mud from my trousers from getting onto the carpet, I rolled the trouser legs up and buttoned them in place (I just love the 2-styles-in-1 trousers). I looked like I was dressed for 2 seasons: Fairly thick jacket and looking "warm" up top, but with knee-length trousers and ankle socks...

And for some odd reason, I have this grin on my face that I cannot stop. Amazing what a 2-hour walk, partly in mud and leaves can do ... :p

Now ... I need to figure out what to do with those shoes...

Mood:  a-ok

I mostly like the fact that times have changed...

When I was 7 for instance, I didn't know the first thing about computers, what more switch one on, and we can forget about using a software. I remember having such a phobia for computers that I actually asked my lecturers in university if I could submit handwritten assignments. Of course I broke into sweats when I learned that the final year thesis would be just too wordy to hand-write and it was also not practical because of the amount of corrections, editing and formatting that I would have to do... it was therefore essential to type it up. It was after much anxiety and sleepless nights (nahhhh... the sleepless nights are an exaggeration but the anxiety is true enough) that I sat in front of the PC at the computing unit of the University ... I went in the middle of the night so that I could take my time and not feel guilty that people were waiting for me to type my first line...

So now ... 15 yrs down the road, when I see my 7-yr old nephew online and he chats with me on occasion, I am very much impressed. The boy is smart and he makes me laugh just chatting with him because of the things he says ... and he only chats with me when he has the time. Like today, when I saw him log on and I asked him where his mother was, he replied ... about an hour later ... with "I am busy"

I think it won't be long before I have to make an appointment to see him... 

ok, ok ... the stars don't talk and it is all subjective what people interpret from their positions ... the stars' position I mean, not the people... and I do mean the stars that twinkle, twinkle in the sky ... not the ones in hollywood ...

anyway ... my horoscope for today says:
"Yes, all this waiting is probably making you absolutely crazy, and yes, you're due for the universe to toss you just one tiny bone. Now, stop whining. Nothing happens until it's supposed to happen, and no matter how hard you try, you can't change that. Deal with it."

I had to laugh when I read that considering what I wrote about "waiting around" in the wee hours of this morning...

Image was from www.spraiter.com

While waiting for the washing machine and tumble dryer to finish their work, I was just browsing through some friends' sites. It is one of the ways I stay updated on what some people are doing and it saves them having to repeat their tales for the umpteenth time, just to keep me on track ...

One of these friends had this as his 'blast' (or 'blurp' or 'shoutout' or 'status update' or whatever you want to call them) ... "You can only ignore someone for so long before they just up and go. And then you may realise they're gone for good, and it's just too late by then". I had to smile when I read that...

I suppose some who read that might start thinking of people they may have been (unintentionally) ignoring and if it does strike a chord, they may then start contacting all those people they have ignored. I on the other hand saw it more from the point of view of the person being ignored ... should I really up and go? Would they then realise the "value" of my presence in their lives? Would they even notice my absence to begin with? ...and should the realisation hit them, would it really make a difference?

A large part of me want to wait and see ... but a small ... a teeny, tiny part is thinking perhaps I should move on for a bit, and "come back later". (This small teeny tiny part is like the pea under the princess' many-layered mattresses ... only I am not a princess and the pea is more like a pebble right against my skin)... It's like when I drop my glasses off at the shop to have the missing screw replaced... or my watch, to have the battery changed ... or when I've placed my order at Tim's... most of the time I wait till they are done, collect my purchase and then go ... it takes less than half an hour most of the time. But every now and then I would tell the sales person that I will be back ... I'd go do whatever I need to do and then return to collect my items.

Of course in these instances, I roughly know how long it will take till the entire transaction is completed ... when it comes to people realising your existence however, it might take seconds or months ...or years even ... it is less like the instances above and more like when you are put on hold and the machine voice says ... "your call will be attended to in the order it was received" and you never really know where you are in the line and how many more people are ahead of you ... or even if you are the last one... And where in some services, they will give you the option to leave your contact numbers and they will call you, there are the less user-friendly ones where if you so much as take an incoming call, you will be pushed right to the back of the line when you return ... 

And where am I going with this??? I dunno... it's 3:45 am ... I have lost all common sense!